A new beginning

I mede up my mind to make this blog while I was listening to the song "REM - Losing my Religion"... I started to read the comments and see 1 comment that simply pulled me in. I'm not a troll, not a big commenter on YouTube, but i felt like i had to say something!

The comment: "what is this song about someone tell me please" by tamodalekoodmora

Being the artist that i am *a lot of modesty* i just had to go: "don't ask people to explain a song to you ... it's as if you ask an abstract artist what he's expressing in his work ...

The idea is not for you to see what the artist wants you to see ... but rather to see what you feel ... the sensations YOU get from the song ... you can ask what the song is about but in the end someone will tell you there perception of it ...

now tell us ... what is the song about to you ;)"

From this comment of mine it all went really... Well it's kinda hard to say this in words... It went something like "Awwwwwww"...

tamodalekoodmora: "to me-it is about some unhappy love i asume and the person is in a great deal of pain, other ppl say it is about religion and god,,,so,,,i dunno,,,great song tho:))U are right about perception :)"

kashmira1: "@tamodalekoodmora
apocal.... is correct, these words meant nothing to me!
I've been a fool in love & now every word makes sense=
"Oh No,I've said too much!
I haven't said enough!......

JUST a DREAM!......."

kashmira1: "@apocalips9
Just thanks for what u wrote! It hit home, nice to spot your comment.
Hence MY 'perception',as much as it pains me is Happiness don't work both ways!"

...

Now. I felt that i need to say something here. And the 500 characters from YouTube are not enough. So that's what i am doing here :D.

kashmira1, you can't even bare to imagine how like your story my own is.

I too fell in love (in a quite foolish way) with a close (an I mean really close) person. It started out only as a simple crush and ended up in almost obsession. For 14 February (Whoop-Dee-Do) i ask her out for just a beer (don't ask), I got her a Edelweiss flower (Thought it's a bit more... I don't know what i was thinking... Rare, Endangered flower=More symbolic) and at one point I admitted that I loved her... For over 1 and a half years now (don't ask)... And she just goes into shock going "wow" every now and then (saying nothing else)... She told me (after she got back to RL)that she saw me more as a brother than anything else and that she just can't get close to anyone at the moment... Since then she has been avoiding me (at least that's how i see it)...

...

Now let's see what I feel when i listen to this song...



"Oh, life is bigger
It's bigger than you" - To me says "You can't even imagine how big my love towards you is"
"And you are not me" - "You don't share my feelings" *sob*
"The lengths that I will go to" - "the things I'd do for you"
"The distance in your eyes" - I get lost in her eyes (start dreaming/thinking).
"Oh no, I've said too much" - I lost a friend to those words "I love you" and would rather go back...
"I set it up" - I realize it's my fault.

"That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight" - "Not sure if I should give you room/let go or push on" and "Should i tell the world or keep it to myself (since it might not happen)"
"I'm losing my religion" - Change of hart/personality.
"Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it" - I want to be with her, but I don't know if it will happen (it needs to be from both sides).
"Oh no, I've said too much"
"I haven't said enough" - Just that. I only said half of what is going on inside my soul.
"I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try" - I'm seeing/hearing that person in my sleep, when i close my eyes.

"Every whisper
Of every waking hour I'm
Choosing my confessions" - "I mute when I'm around you now. While alone I try to find the words that I will tell you"
"Trying to keep an eye on you" - "I want to see you all the time (when i wake up, when i go to sleep)"
"Like a hurt lost and blinded fool, fool" - Hurt. Lost. Blinded. I'm the fool.
"Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up"
"Consider this
Consider this
The hint of the century" - She seems not even to take into consideration what i told her. To me it's something grand (the word "century" says it's importance).
"Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed" - Not even the fact that now i'm "failed" on my "knees" is taken into consideration.
"What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around" - I still can't get her out of my mind.
"Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try"

"But that was just a dream
That was just a dream" - To me seems like "I've been dreaming and I can go back to how it was before"

(repeat chorus)

"But that was just a dream"
"Try, cry, why try?" - I tried. I got hurt. Why try gain?
"That was just a dream
Just a dream, just a dream
Dream"

...

And 4 days after that 14 Feb day thing i went out with her and somewhere along the line we kissed. it was... Good... Interesting... And confusing the next morning when i thought about it.

And I was just announced that by that very person (witch has read this post just hours after I posted it) that she was not actually avoiding me... She wanted to do me a good since she told me she can't be with anyone (I am in that group as well) she didn't want me to suffer seeing her. HURT ME! HURT ME!

"There she goes again"...

And to end this post I will also mention the title and theme of the next post :D.
"REM -Everybody Hurts". A song that helps...

...Wow, this post got long...